Best Jokes

I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn, because I was taking too long to place my order.

"Take the high road," I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window, I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food, too.

Lesson: Don't honk your horn at old people.

As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks.

Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block. All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly.

They glared at us with looks of disgust.

Suddenly, we realized why... we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them.

Two girls were watching guys who were arriving at their favorite bar. "Who's that really cute guy?" one of them asked.

"Oh, that guy is a loser, he's always bouncing around between girls," says the second girl.

"Just tell me his name," the 1st girl suggests.

"Rick O'Shay," says the 2nd girl.