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Favorite this joke An elderly woman walks into the butcher shop and shouts at the butcher, "That leg of lamb you sold me last week shrunk by six inches when I cooked it!"
"That's funny," said the butcher, "my wife knitted me a jumper, and when I washed it, it shrunk by six inches."
"Must have been from the same sheep."
After returning from a trip overseas, my luggage did not show up in the airport baggage area. Being a frequent flyer I knew the drill and went to the lost luggage office.
I told the woman there that my bags hadn't shown up on the carousel. She smiled and told me not to worry because they were trained professionals and that I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked, "has your plane arrived yet?"
A guy gets bitten by a zombie but he hasn't completely turned yet. The end of his finger fell off so he handed it to a non-infected man saying, "This can happen to you, now run!"
Before running, the appreciative man looks back and says, "Thanks for the tip!"
My wife keeps reminding me about some things that need repair around the house. One would think that after six months she’d know I have the list memorized.
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