A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter "playing wedding."
The wedding vows went like this:
"You have the right to remain silent, anything you say may be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride."
An elderly couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the Senior Special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99.
"Sounds good," my the woman said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay more for NOT taking the eggs?" she asked incredulously.
"Yep," stated the waitress.
"I'll take the special," she replied.
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," she exclaimed.
She took the two eggs home.
“One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister’s house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, “Patricia, you’ve cooked a pregnant bird!” At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!
My friend Bev and her husband were reshingling their roof. As soon as they started, they realized they needed more supplies, so Bev grabbed the checkbook, jumped into her car, and drove the 45 miles to the nearest lumberyard.
After gathering the items she needed, Bev went up to the cashier and wrote a check. "I really need to see a photo ID," the clerk said.
"I don't have one on me," Bev replied.
The cashier called over the manager, who examined the check.
The manager looked up and asked Bev, "Who is the Avon lady in your town?"
Puzzled, Bev responded, "Maxine Thompson."
"Take her check," the smiling manager said to the cashier. "Maxine is my grandmother."