A cinema actor, suing for a breach of contract, described himself as the greatest actor in the world.
One of his friends took him to task for so loudly singing his own praises.
"I know," replied the actor, "it must have sounded somewhat conceited, but, remember, I was under oath."
Billy: I asked my dog three questions and he got two of them right.
Trevor: What three questions?
Billy: I asked what covers a tree and he said bark. I asked him what the texture of bark is and he said ruff. I then asked him if he knew what the winning lottery numbers are next Saturday night?
Trevor: He missed the lottery number question right?
Billy: I don't know, I'll tell you on Sunday.