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Favorite this joke A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."
The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer.
The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again.
He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you want to go for a beer?"
The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says,
"Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!"
A man jumps from a plane and as he descends pulls his parachute only nothing happens so he pulls his reserve and still no luck so as he contemplates flapping his arms like a bird when he spies a man coming up towards him.
Calling out to the man “DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PARACHUTES?”
The other man replies “NO! DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT GAS COOKERS?”
Being an astronaut is funny. It's the only job where you get fired before you start work.
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