Best Jokes

How do you kill a blue elephant?

With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?

Hold its nose until it turns into a blue elephant and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Michael and Timothy had just left the Pub and decided to take a shortcut through O'Leary's farm when they chanced upon O'Leary's prized stallion. Promptly, Timothy raised it's tail, took a quick swipe then applied it to his lips.

Michael, dumbfounded, asked: "Is horse manure good for chapped lips?"

Timothy replied: "I don't know, but it sure keeps me from lickin' em!"

Shamus O'Connor had just closed down Patty Murphy's Pub and was ambulating his way slowly to the underground subway.

Suddenly he was confronted by a huge sign which read: "WARNING! Dogs must be carried on the escalator - Absolutely NO EXCEPTIONS!"

Shamus bemoaned: "Bejabbers, and, pray tell, just where is a bloke to be findin' a dog at this unholy hour?"

Why do celebrities smile during lightning storms?

They think their pictures being taken!