Best Jokes

"Hello 911, my wife passed out, but wait, I think she's starting to come to again."

(911) "What happened just before she passed out?"

"I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner."

(911) "Then what happened?"

"She said, 'On a Monday night?' and then she passed out."

(911) "No worries then, she'll be fine. I get a rash of these calls when they cancel Monday night football."

(Wife) Eleanor Roosevelt said “intelligent people are those with ideas”.

(Husband) That sounds like me I always have ideas!

(Wife) Honey, I don’t think Mrs. Roosevelt was thinking about ideas that start out with, “Hey guys watch this!”

Why didn't the dog want to play football?

It was a boxer!

What does a turkey say the day before Thanksgiving?

Anything but gobble, gobble, gobble!