Best Jokes

The topic for my third-grade class was genetics. Smiling broadly, I pointed to my dimples and asked, “What trait do you think I passed on to my children?”

One student called out, “Wrinkles!”

Most people will say, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

An engineer will say, "If it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night. "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive!"

The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door, the phone rang again.

"You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."

A man and woman are on a blind date. After being with her all evening, the man couldn't stand another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him on the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. He was relieved when his cell phone rang.

After answering, acting shocked and then hanging up the call, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim look and said, "I have bad news. My my house is on fire."

"Wonderful!" his date said. "If yours hadn't burned, mine would have had to."