Best Jokes

An actor had been out of work for years because he always forgot his lines. One day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for an important part in a play. All the actor had to say was, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar!"

Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar!" The time for the entrance finally came. As the actor made his appearance onstage, he heard a loud BOOOOM! He turned around and said, “What the heck was that?”

A heavy set man went to buy a loaf of bread at the local grocery store. When he got home he saw that the bread was already sliced so the man returned to the store and demanded his money back.

“How did you know how thick I wanted my bread sliced!!!!” yelled the man to the grocery store owner.

The grocery store owner yelled back to the heavy set man, ”If I had known how big you were, I would have had them slice it even thinner!!!”

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.

Doctor: Your tonsils have to come out.

Patient: I wanna second opinion.

Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

I have found myself a new exciting hobby.
I go out in my car in the morning to the nearest Highway and sit with my window open and a hairdryer pointed out of the window.

It's amazing how all the cars slow down!