Best Jokes

My son and his wife stopped by Sunday unannounced to visit.

I wouldn't answer the door but I did hold up my new medicine container and pointed to the instructions.

Instructions read: "Take one tablet before bedtime and Keep away from children."

What did the Bloodhound say after the briefing?

"Smells like a plan!"

A child comes home from his first day at school.

His mother asks, "Well, what did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow."

Three Boy Scouts, were fishing in a boat one day when they heard a lot of commotion. They followed the sounds and found another boat capsized as a man struggled to keep his head above water. Being Boy Scouts, they went to his aid and fished the man out.

The man was Bill Clinton. The ex-president toweled himself off and caught his breath, and thanked the three scouts. He asked if there was anything he could do for them. "I'd sure like a tour of the White House," the first scout said. "Can you still pull that off?"

"No problem," said Bill. "How's next week?"

"I want to go for a ride in Air Force One," said the second scout.

"We can do that next week, too," Bill replied.

"I'd like to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery," said the third.

"I'm sure we can arrange that," said Bill. "But son, you're awfully young to be worrying about that, aren't you?"

"You don't know my Dad," the scout replied. "When he finds out I helped save your life, he's gonna kill me!"