Best Jokes

Top researchers determined that cutting out beans, tomatoes and peppers will dramatically improve your diet...

That is how I determined that top researchers hate chili!

A young man was a very slow worker and subsequently found it difficult to hold down a job. After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo.

When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.

"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.

"I can't believe it," said the new employee, "I just opened the door and whoosh, they were gone!"

My television set broke so I was forced to rely on the lost art of conversation with the wife at dinner...

"Have you seen the iPad, love?"

A guy asks his neighbor in an apartment building, “Mr Trepper, you live directly above me and you have the same 2-room apartment as I do. How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy when you moved in?

“We got 18 rolls,” answers the neighbor.

Two months later the guy meets his neighbor again and says, “It’s really funny – I put the wallpaper on everywhere and I still had 10 rolls left over.”

Neighbor smiles, “Yeah, so did we.“