Best Jokes

My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men."

"Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and took the dog.

Then one day she was approached by two men in a parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear the the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.

Some men were swapping stories about their war experiences. One fellow who had been in the Foreign Legion was saying, "There we were, it was night, the odds were 1,000 to 3. We didn't know what to do."

"Well, what did you do?" another asked.

"When morning came, we charged and got all three of them!"

Upon arrival, the lumberjack started to swing at the tree, when the tree suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack grinned and said, “And you will dialogue!”

As we left the gym after our first real workout in years, my husband and I both felt energized. "Let's make a commitment to do it three times a week," I said.

"Absolutely," my husband agreed, "three times at a minimum."

"And no whining," I said. "No excuses."

"No, we'll do it," he said enthusiastically, "you can count on it."

"And on my late night, we can just meet here at the gym."

"The gym?" my husband said, confused. "I thought we were talking about sex?"