Best Jokes

A woman with a baby walked into a doctor's office. She asked if they could weigh the baby.

A nurse said that the baby scale was not working that day, but what they could do is weigh the mother while she was holding the baby, and then weigh the mother by herself, and subtract.

The woman thought about this for a minute. "It wouldn't work," she said, "I'm not the mother; I'm the aunt."

Ronald and Hillary, opposing candidates for the upcoming local PTA (Parent-Teacher Association) elections, walk into a donut shop for a quick snack. As soon as Hillary gets to the front of the line, she shoves 3 donuts into her pockets.

Ronald says, "Really? You have to steal the donuts?"

Hillary replies, "I shouldn't have to pay for them since i will be the next PTA President!"

Ronald says, "Watch, I will get 3 for free by asking!" When he gets to the front of the line, he asks the clerk, "If i show you a magic trick, can i have 3 donuts for free?"

"Sure," replied the clerk.

So Ronald eats the first donut. "Mmmm, that was tasty." Then he eats the second and third donuts, "Mmmmm, they were just as good as the first!"

The clerk replied, "Where was the magic trick?"

Then Ronald replies, "Poof! Now look in Hillary's pockets!"

Little Hope was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to read in the den.

The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Hope's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly.

The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up and yelled above the noise, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"

This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night, the doorbell rings. The first kid at the door says, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?" The father, mildly amused, answers, "Yes."

The second kid comes to the door and says, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?" The guy, now perplexed, answers, "Yes."

A few minutes later, the doorbell rings again. A kid says, 'Hi, I'm Jim. I'm here to see Kim. We're gonna go for a swim. Can I come in?' The guy, becoming annoyed, answers, "Yes."

The doorbell rings one more time, and a kid standing there says, "Hi, I'm Chuck . . . "

The father shot him.