Best Jokes

Three mothers are sitting on a bench talking about how much their sons love them. Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday."

Minnie says, "You call that love? You know the Mercedes I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie."

Shirley says, "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst in Harley Street. Five session a week. And what does he talk about? Me."

Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America. As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulders. The Customs officer asked him what did he have in the sacks. Paddy replied Mobile phones.

The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough each contained quite a few phones. "What are you going to do with all these phones?" asked the officer.

"Oh, they are not for me. My friend, who is a musical director, knew I was going over to America. He asked me to bring him back a 'couple of saxaphones.'"

Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - Bicycles, Washing Machines, etc... Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain!

A husband comes in from the garage. His wife asks, "What's wrong?"

He replies, "I lost something. I thought I had put it somewhere safe in the garage."

"How many safe places are there in the garage?" she asks.

"Clearly one more than I can remember."