Best Jokes

A farmer asked the vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn't doing well at all. After checking the bull's vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill.

He forced open the bull's mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet. Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence in his way.

The vet exclaimed, "Well, looks like your bull is healed!"

The farmer replied, "Now give me one of those pills. I've gotta catch him!"

Did you know that Adam and Eve were the first couple to not read and understand the fine print on their Apple contract?

A guy wins a big jackpot on a slot machine in Vegas. As it is paying out of the machine, but before the pit boss reaches the lucky winner, a haggard man approaches him and says, "I don't mean to disturb you during your big moment, but my wife is sick and needs an operation. Could you see your way clear to giving me $5,000 of your winnings?"

The guy says, "Well, it's all well and good for you to say that, and if it's true I sympathize, but how do I know you're not going to turn around and just gamble it away?"

The haggard man responds, "Oh, I got gambling money."

I was stunned last night when my wife told me I was too wrapped up in myself....

When did I get a wife?