Best Jokes

If you're becoming forgetful, I have a tip for you.

Date the notes you write to yourself.

I just spent the entire morning looking for Easter eggs.

Q: Why is a fish easy to weigh?

A: Because it has its own scales!

An angry motorist went back to a garage where he had purchased an expensive battery for his car just six months earlier.

"Listen", the motorist grumbled to the owner of the garage, "when I bought this battery you said it would be the last battery my car would ever need. It died after only six months!"

"Sorry," apologized the garage owner. "I didn't think your car would last longer than that."

A five-year-old boy had never spoken a word, ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "Soup's cold."

She was astonished, and said, "Honey, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"

The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything's been okay."