Best Jokes

What are turkeys NOT allowed to say to each other after they've had a big meal at the dinner table?

"I'm stuffed!"

May: "I've never been skiing before."

Dad: "You don't want to, trust me."

May: "Why?"

Dad: "You meet many bad things, like pine tree for instance."

I tried working in a wheel factory, but I got too tired.

An elegant older lady is ushered into the most prestigious party at the country club. This is the first time out making an appearance since the wedding. Her new husband just happens to be the founder & president of the club.

When she came into view, there was a low hum among the other women as they gathered round full of questions, especially about the HUGE diamond on her finger. The madame tried to be nice about it all but was getting a little annoyed with all the busy bodies. She told them that the diamond was the Cloppman Diamond and it came with a curse.

Now the hum was getting louder as they wanted to know what the curse was.

She responded, matter of factly, "Mr. Cloppman!"