Best Jokes

Want to stop someone right in their tracks? When you're talking with them and they start a sentence with "Generally speaking", interrupt them immediately and say, "Glad to meet you General, Sir. Ulysses S. Grant speaking!"

I don't trust those internet and TV ads about apps. They say they are free, but how do I know I'm not getting charged hidden fees after I download them?

Do they really do what they say they're going to do? And all those gigabytes they use up! I just feel very uneasy when it comes to this kind of cell phone technology.

I guess that makes me… app-rehensive?

During the trade wars of the 18th century, bartering was quite common among seafaring merchants who needed laborers to load and unload their wares at each port. They were willing to trade just about anything to get strong, loyal workers.

At one port, the captain of a merchant ship had his eye on a well-built, muscular potential addition to his crew, whose name was Anwar. He approached Anwar's owner.

"I'll trade you 50 pounds of course-grained igneous quartz rock for Anwar," he proposed.

"What do you think about the offer, Anwar?" his owner asked him.

"If you ask me," Anwar replied," I don't like being taken for granite!"

I always carry a skeleton key with me just in case...

Just in case I have to break into a haunted house.