Best Jokes

Item in the "Cyclops Dating for Dummies" book: Never date a cyclops much shorter than you.

Why?

You'll never see eye to eye on anything.

If you come home like I do and find your cat had his tail removed from fighting, just take your cat to Walmart...

They're the best re-tailer!

Two friends are driving in a car. Phil, from the passenger seat, is yelling instructions.

"You idiot! You were supposed to turn left!"

"Make a U-Turn now! You're going to get lost!"

"OK then, merge left onto the freeway."

"Dummy, you missed the freeway! Now it's going to take forever to get where you're going!" You're hopeless!

"Say, Phil, what's up with that ornery voice?" asks Tom, from the driver seat.

"Sorry, Tom, that's my GPS-WAAS talking."

"What's a GPS-WAA?"

"GPS With An Attitude!"

On one occasion William Howard Taft, in his work as an attorney, took a train to Somerville, about 40 miles north of his home in Cincinnati.

At the end of the day he knew that the policy of the railway was not to stop for just one passenger to board. He therefore sent this telegram: "Stop at Somerville for a large party."

As the train came to a halt, Taft began to board the train, and conductor asked, "Where's the large party?"

Taft, with all of his 335 pounds replied, "I AM the large party."