Best Jokes

Bingo and Bango were two of Santa's elves assigned to make cheese for Christmas food baskets. However, they got into a slight argument about who was to do what.

"I know how to make cheese, Santa," said Bango. "The thickened curds and gelatinized whey separate from coagulated milk. We then press the mixture and allow it to ripen and cure. Voila, cheese!"

"There's a lot more to it than that," said Bingo. "I don't think you're experienced enough."

"Can't I just thicken the curds to help make the cheese?" begged Bango.

"All right, Bango," conceded Santa. "I'll let you thicken the curds, but Bingo gels all the whey!"

So I didn't appear to be a loser, I concocted a story to tell my friends, about my having a girlfriend who lets me put lipstick and rouge on her.

In other words, not only did I make her up, I MADE her up!

"I wish I had enough guts to clean these fish I caught," said the squeamish fisherman.

"Here's your knife," said his friend as he slapped down a huge bass. "All the courage you need is right in there."

Husband: Look dear, I just bought us one of those plug in air fresheners. But for some reason it's not working.

Wife: It's not plugged in.

Husband: You mean I have to plug it in for it to start freshening the air?

Wife: It's a plug in air freshener. How can it work if you don't plug it in?

Husband: It makes no scents!