Best Jokes

If I can lose just 20 pounds... then I'll be down to the weight I never thought I'd be able to get up to!

I went into my local wireless store looking for a solution to a problem.

"I have a horse that I can't seem to get going when I mount him," I told the customer service representative. "Nellie won't listen to my commands, and when she does start moving, it's just a slow, lazy trot."

"I have just what you need for your phone," the rep replied.

"And what would that be?"

"The latest version of the "Giddy-App!"

Father Pedro was called to a house to attempt to expel an evil spirit from an elderly woman. He brought an assistant pastor to help with the procedure. The woman's daughter answered the door and motioned to where her mother was sitting. The Father walked over to the woman, waved a cross, and shouted, "Out, demon!"

He then tore off his robe, revealing running shoes and jogging shorts. Then, he rushed out the door and ran a quick mile around the block. Returning to the house and donning his robe, he went over to the woman and shouted, "Out, you filthy devil!"

And again, after removing his priest's outfit, he was out the door to run another mile. The old woman's daughter was confused about the priest's behavior and asked the assistant pastor, "What in the world is going on here?"

To which the pastor answered, "Oh, that's just the way Father Pedro exorcises!"

If all your problems are behind you...

Then you might be a school bus driver!