Best Jokes

A guy was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend came to visit him.

The guy struggles to tell his friend, "My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?" the friend asks.

"My life insurance policy."

A Pastor said to a six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"

"Simple, there was a piece of paper in his hand that said, 'Put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath.'"

It can be fatal to live too long...