Best Jokes

Two drunk friends called a private taxi. The taxi arrived and saw how drunk and noisy they were. The driver realized the trip would be difficult given their condition. He told them to get in and pretended to drive the stationed vehicle.

A few minutes later he told them they had arrived at their destination. The passengers got out and shouted at him saying, "Was it necessary to drive so fast?"

A regular customer walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight."

The man replies, "I sure am! Yesterday I was hired by the city to go around and collect money from the parking meters!"

The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. The next night the same man walks back in, "Bartender, two rounds for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your first paycheck!"

With a wondrous look on his face, the man pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket and says, "You mean they're gonna pay me too?"

My husband was trying to embarrass me at a party by carrying on about all the stuff women carry in their purses.

Instead of blushing I said, “You’re right. There IS too much stuff in my purse.” So, I removed his wallet, cigarettes, lighter, and car keys and handed them to him.

When he asked what he was supposed to do with them, I smile and said, “Get your own purse!”

I believe that the most popular name for a cat should be Waldo.

I mean, don't you eventually end up asking where your cat is every day?