Best Jokes

I just did a week's worth of cardio...

... all after walking into a spider web.

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor checks him out thoroughly doing various tests. He then goes back to his table and sits down. "I'm prescribing these pills for you," he says.

Noting the weird name of the prescription, the man asks, "What am I taking now?"

"Oh, I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."

What do hair accessories do after they finish a show?

They bow.

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.