Best Jokes

When Tom Hanks writes his memoir it should be called...

"T. Hanks - For the Memories"

My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”

I replied, “No.”

She yelled back, "What about now?"

I renewed my car insurance over the phone today, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.

I said, "Yes, I’ve got a dog."

She asked, "Would you like to insure him too?"

I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!"

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords...

So I had to ground him...

He's doing better currently...

And conducting himself properly.