I was at a tanning salon the other day and noticed a customer running off without paying...
I heard the cashier yell out, "You better get back here or I'll tan your backside!"
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions while a woman rushed to help him.
When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right, I know first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.
At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."
The church council met to discuss the pastor’s compensation package for the coming year. After the meeting the chair of council told the pastor, “We are very sorry, Pastor, but we are unable to give you a raise for next year.”
“But a raise would be helpful,” said the pastor. “I am but a poor preacher.”
“l know,” the council chair said. “We hear you every Sunday.”
Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
Someone told him to get a long little doggy.