I went to the doctor the other day and complained about my sore feet.
He said: “Gout!”
I said: “But I’ve only just walked in!”
My son asked me, “Dad, what are condoms used for?”
I said, “Usually to avoid answering questions like this one.”
Fred: What is the name of your dog?
Betty: Ginger.
Fred: Does Ginger bite?
Betty: No, but Ginger snaps.
An elderly gentleman was reading his recovery-room record at the hospital where I work. He looked quite concerned at one notation.
"I know I was in a bit of a muddle, but I didn't realize I was that bad," he said to me apologetically. "I hope I didn't offend anyone."
He was greatly relieved when I explained the acronym in question meant "Short Of Breath" and not what he thought.