Best Jokes

It was the man’s first trip by airplane. He was frightened and nervous. As the engines began to roar, he gripped the arms of his seat, closed his eyes, and counted to one hundred.

When he opened his eyes he looked out of the windows. “See those tiny people down there,” he said to the woman sitting next to him, “don’t they look like ants?”

“They are ants,” the woman said. “We haven’t left the ground yet.”

An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator.

The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted.

"You must mean the lift," he said.

"No," the American responded. "If I ask for the elevator I mean the elevator."

"Well," the portiere answered, "over here we call them lifts".

"Now you listen", the American said rather irritated, "someone in America invented the elevator."

"Oh, right you are sir," the portiere said in a polite tone, "but someone here in England invented the language."

Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body.

I gave her a shoulder to crayon.