I thought the dryer shrank my clothes...
Turns out it was the refrigerator.
What's the difference between an actor and a burnt rodent?
One’s Chris Pratt, the other is a crisp rat.
A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though...
Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass!
My dad walked me down the aisle at my third wedding.
He said, “I keep giving you away... and they keep giving you back!”