Best Jokes

$15.00 won 5 votes

My daughter came home so excited...

She had to parallel park at work and received the following note of praise: PARKING FINE.

5 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "barber7796" |
$6.00 won 5 votes

In the zoo, a giraffe, talking to a buffalo says, “Yeah, I know. They can totally get out but they choose to hang around.”

A seal says a walrus, “That’s right. I’ve seen the big hairy one crawling under the bushes outside the gate.”

A woodchuck says to a prairie dog, “I saw it chew up all the grass. I think we might be related somehow. Maybe cousins.”

Opposite the animals, eating their lunch, one landscaper says to the other, “I wonder if they talk to each other?”

5 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "?Or#" |
5 votes

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance.

During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver's windshield:

"Please don't take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don't say I never towed you!"

5 votes

CATEGORY Puns
posted by "merk" |
$7.00 won 5 votes

Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Cessna 3798G is unfamiliar with the area, requests directions to the airport.

Tower: Cessna 3798G, Turn right to a heading of 360 for about 8 minutes, then left 270 for another 3 minutes, then to a heading of 170 and the airport will be 12 o’clock in 5 minutes, cleared to land runway 17.

Pilot: Pensacola Tower, Isn’t that the airport at 12 o’clock?

Tower: Yes! You can actually continue your current course and land on runway 26, airport is 12 o’clock, 8 miles!!

Pilot: Then why did you have me going the long way around the airport?

Tower: Because you asked for directions, not the quickest route.

5 votes

CATEGORY Airplane Jokes
posted by "J. Herring" |