Best Jokes

5 votes

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

5 votes

posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
$10.00 won 5 votes

A preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning.

"This mower work, son?" the preacher asked.

Little Johnny said, "Sure does, just pull on the cord hard, though."

The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start.

Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough."

"Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes."

The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!"

"Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."

5 votes

posted by "Leibel" |
$12.00 won 5 votes

My wife asked me before going to the hairdressers, "What cut do you think would make me more attractive?"

"A power cut" was apparently the wrong answer.

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CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "alexander" |
5 votes

I've seen plenty of batting slumps," the manager told one of his coaches. "But I've never had a whole lineup in a slump before."

The team had lost 10 of its last 20 games, scoring only eight runs during that whole stretch. The best they'd done was four hits in a game.

"We have to try something different," the manager said to his batting coach.

"What do you have in mind?" the batting coach asked warily.

"I'm going into the batting cage myself," the manager said.

The coach tried to talk him out of it. But the manager was desperate, willing to try anything.

With the whole team watching, the coach swung at the first pitch and missed. He missed the second pitch. Ditto the third, fourth, and fifth. On the sixth pitch, he just nicked the ball, which dribbled back to the pitcher's mound.

The manager slammed his bat to the ground, turned around, and stared at his players. "That's how you guys look at the plate!" he yelled. "Now get up there and HIT the ball!"

5 votes

CATEGORY Sport Jokes
posted by "Arthur Art Will Williams" |