Best Jokes

$12.00 won 5 votes

My wife asked me before going to the hairdressers, "What cut do you think would make me more attractive?"

"A power cut" was apparently the wrong answer.

5 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
posted by "alexander" |
5 votes

I've seen plenty of batting slumps," the manager told one of his coaches. "But I've never had a whole lineup in a slump before."

The team had lost 10 of its last 20 games, scoring only eight runs during that whole stretch. The best they'd done was four hits in a game.

"We have to try something different," the manager said to his batting coach.

"What do you have in mind?" the batting coach asked warily.

"I'm going into the batting cage myself," the manager said.

The coach tried to talk him out of it. But the manager was desperate, willing to try anything.

With the whole team watching, the coach swung at the first pitch and missed. He missed the second pitch. Ditto the third, fourth, and fifth. On the sixth pitch, he just nicked the ball, which dribbled back to the pitcher's mound.

The manager slammed his bat to the ground, turned around, and stared at his players. "That's how you guys look at the plate!" he yelled. "Now get up there and HIT the ball!"

5 votes

CATEGORY Sport Jokes
posted by "Arthur Art Will Williams" |
$15.00 won 5 votes

My daughter came home so excited...

She had to parallel park at work and received the following note of praise: PARKING FINE.

5 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
posted by "barber7796" |
$6.00 won 5 votes

In the zoo, a giraffe, talking to a buffalo says, “Yeah, I know. They can totally get out but they choose to hang around.”

A seal says a walrus, “That’s right. I’ve seen the big hairy one crawling under the bushes outside the gate.”

A woodchuck says to a prairie dog, “I saw it chew up all the grass. I think we might be related somehow. Maybe cousins.”

Opposite the animals, eating their lunch, one landscaper says to the other, “I wonder if they talk to each other?”

5 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "?Or#" |