Best Jokes

Mother and daughter are having a bonding moment.

Daughter: Mommy can you differentiate the words terrible and horrible for me?

Mother: Sure dear. Remember when we went to the beach last week?

Daughter: Yes I remember.

Mother: While swimming, your dad was caught by rip current.

Daughter: Oh, that's terrible!

Mother: That's right.

Daughter: Mommy, what about horrible?

Mother: The wave brought him back to shore.

Little Johnny was celebrating his birthday soon. His father asked him what he would like for his birthday. Without hesitation Johnny said, "A spider." His father was somewhat incredulous, so he asked him again. "I really want a spider," responded Johnny.

Well, his father went to the pet store and asked the salesperson, "Do you sell spiders?"

"We sure do," was the response.

"How much do they cost?"

"$50.00," said the clerk.

Somewhat taken aback, Johnny's father said, "That's too expensive. I'm sure I can find something cheaper on the web."

Three farmers chat. The first one tells, "I have grown such a big apple that when I put it on a chair, it broke down."

The second one says, "I have grown an even bigger apple! When I put it on a table, it broke."

The third one says, "I grew an extremely big apple. I put it in a carriage..."

The two farmers interrupt, "Did it break???"

"No, a worm got out of it and ate the horse!"

A sailor didn't like anything he saw in the mess/food line, so he just picked up a large piece of chocolate cake. The cook asked, "Is that all you're gonna eat?"

The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it doesn't look too appetizing."

The cook smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"

The sailor said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it!"

The cook leaned over and cut the sailor's piece of cake in half.