Best Jokes

I moved into a new neighborhood and put up an electric fence.

The next morning i found out my neighbor was dead against it.

Patient: "I'm having a problem with my eyes. I see something from far but then when I get there, there's nothing. It's gone."

Doctor: "It's a new disease. It's called ASRD syndrome."

Patient: "ASRD?"

Doctor: "It stands for 'Annual Salary Revision Deficiency' syndrome."

On the morning of her birthday, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”

“Maybe you’ll find out tonight,” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. She ripped off the wrapping paper and found a book titled "The Meaning of Dreams."

Dick: Great News! Teacher said we would have a test rain or shine.

Jane: What’s so great about that?

Dick: It’s snowing.