Best Jokes

A couple of guys were discussing the latest play showing in the theater.

"I saw the first act, but not the second."

"Why not?"

"I couldn't wait that long. It said on the program that the second act was two years later."

Why do people way up north wash their laundry IN TIDE?

Because it's too cold OUT TIDE!

I asked my psychiatrist why is it every time I eat sardines, I dream about being attacked by sharks. He answered, “It’s all about guilt and self payback.”

Considering how much money it cost for one hour of his time, he must dream about his watch turning all green and wrinkled.

It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.