Best Jokes

A sailor didn't like anything he saw in the mess/food line, so he just picked up a large piece of chocolate cake. The cook asked, "Is that all you're gonna eat?"

The sailor said, "Yeah, the rest of it doesn't look too appetizing."

The cook smiled and said, "Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?"

The sailor said, "Yeah, man, I'd appreciate it!"

The cook leaned over and cut the sailor's piece of cake in half.

A male crab met a female crab at a party and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So, they got married immediately.

The next day she noticed her new husband walking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset.

"What happened?" she asked. "You used to walk straight before we were married."

"Oh, honey," he replied, "I can't drink that much every day."

A father and his six-year-old son were watching a football game on TV.

After a particular bad play the father exploded, “Just look at that stupid halfback! He’s fumbled three times and every time the other team has recovered the football. Why do they let an idiot like that play in the game?”

The little boy thought for a moment and offered an explanation. “Daddy,” he said, “maybe it’s his ball.”

Son: "Gee pop, there's a man at the circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath, catches hold of its tail and finishes up on the horse's neck!"

Dad: "That's easy... I did all that the first time I ever rode a horse."