Best Jokes

A male crab met a female crab at a party and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away. So, they got married immediately.

The next day she noticed her new husband walking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset.

"What happened?" she asked. "You used to walk straight before we were married."

"Oh, honey," he replied, "I can't drink that much every day."

A father and his six-year-old son were watching a football game on TV.

After a particular bad play the father exploded, “Just look at that stupid halfback! He’s fumbled three times and every time the other team has recovered the football. Why do they let an idiot like that play in the game?”

The little boy thought for a moment and offered an explanation. “Daddy,” he said, “maybe it’s his ball.”

Son: "Gee pop, there's a man at the circus who jumps on a horse's back, slips underneath, catches hold of its tail and finishes up on the horse's neck!"

Dad: "That's easy... I did all that the first time I ever rode a horse."

Before setting off on a business trip to Tulsa, I called the hotel where I'd be staying to see if they had a gym. The hotel receptionist's sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it when she answered.

"We have over 300 guests at at this facility," she said. "Does this 'Jim' have a last name?"