Best Jokes

All my husband wanted was to pay for some batteries, but none of the clerks in the electronics store seemed interested in helping him.

"I've got an idea," I said and pulled a tape measure out of my purse. I stepped over to one of the giant plasma-screen TVs and started to measure it.

Faster than you can say high definition, a young man came running over. "May I help you?" he asked breathlessly.

"Yes," I said. "I'd like to buy these batteries."

I was the best door-to-door security alarms salesman for several years running.

The trick was to level a brochure on the kitchen table if there was nobody home.