Best Jokes

A woman had bought lots of shoes over time and she decided it was time to kick the habit. She really took it seriously, even changing her driving route to avoid her favorite shoe store. One evening, however, she arrived home carrying a shoe box. Her husband grinned at her, but it didn't faze her at all.

"These are very special shoes," she explained. "I accidentally drove by the shoe store and there in the window were the most perfect shoes I've ever seen! I felt this was no accident, so I thought I'd let fate decide. If I would get a parking spot directly in front of the shop, the shoes were meant for me. And sure enough, the eighth time around the block, there it was!"

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.

It’s called lunch.

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit. At home he was shy, quiet and retiring but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.

“Ah,” he said, “that’s my altar ego.”

The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.

“The bad news is, your blood 
is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is 130.”