Best Jokes

“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.

“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.”

“What happened?”

“My father couldn’t stand her.”

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the sunny Caribbean. They were discussing their great vacations when the lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

That is quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The lawyer, quite puzzled, asked, "How do YOU start a flood?"

One day, the horse became very ill and he called the veterinarian, who said, "Well, your horse has a virus. He must take this medicine for three days. I'll come back on the 3rd day and if he's not better, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

Nearby, the goat listened closely to their conversation. The next day, the Vet gave him the medicine and left. The goat approached the horse and said, "Be strong, friend. Get up or else they're going to put you to sleep!"

On the second day, the doc again gave him the medicine and left. The goat came back and said, "Come on buddy, get up or else you're going to die! Come on, I'll help you get up. Let's go! One, two, three..."

The poor horse wouldn't get up. On the third day, the Vet gave one look at the horse and said, "Unfortunately, we're going to have to put him down tomorrow. Otherwise, the virus might spread and infect the other horses."

After they left, the goat approached the horse and said, "Listen pal, it's now or never! Get up, come on! Have courage! Come on! Get up! Get up! That's it, slowly! Great! Come on, one, two, three... Good, good. Now faster, come on...... Fantastic! Run, run more! Yes! Yay! Yes! You did it, you're a champion!!!"

All of a sudden, the owner came back to the farm, saw the horse running on the field. Not aware of the goats role in this he began shouting, "It's a miracle! My horse is cured. We must have a Grand celebration... LET'S COOK THE GOAT!"