Best Jokes

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. Johnny asked his mom, “Where’d he come from?”

"He came from heaven, Johnny.”

“Wow! I can see why they threw him out!”

Early one morning, one of the gods was galloping around Mount Olympus. Invigorated by the brisk breeze, he shouted euphorically, "I'm Thor!" 

His stallion looked back at him and reminded him, "That'th becauthe you forgot the thaddle, thilly!" 

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

10. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

11. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. You can't remember who sent you this list.

We are so proud of our neighbor who is a registered nurse...

She came up with the idea of putting band-aids in the refrigerator to take care of cold cuts.