Best Jokes

While I was making a huge batch of snicker doodle cookies, I asked my ten-year-old to read the recipe and ingredients off the box to me, doubling them as he went along.

He did as he was told. His first instruction: "Preheat the oven to 700 degrees."

A dog was so clever that his owner sent him to college. Home for vacation, the dog admitted he had learned neither history nor science, but added proudly, “I did make a good start in foreign languages.”

“Okay,” replied the owner, “say something in a foreign language.”

The dog said, “Meow!”

A balding man went into a barber’s shop and asked how much it would be for a haircut.

“Twenty-five dollars,” said the barber.

“Twenty-five dollars, that’s crazy!” exclaimed the man. “I’ve hardly got any hair. How can it be that expensive?”

The barber explained, “It’s $5 for the actual cut and $20 for the search fee.”

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist,

While you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it all.

Sincerely,

The Opportunist