Best Jokes

Driving back from Vermont, I stopped at a vegetable stand. It was deserted except for a sleeping German shepherd.

I stepped over the dog, helped myself to some corn, then opened the cash box to pay.

Taped to the inside of the lid was this note: "The dog can count."

Rest In Peace boiled water...

...you will be mist.

My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm.

Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them. I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.

"It’s the smoke detector," they replied in unison.

"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.

"Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner’s ready."

The photographer was positioning my new husband and me for 
our wedding photos when he asked, “Have you ever modeled?”

My cheeks instantly turned red. “No, I haven’t,” I said. “But I always thought …”

The photographer interrupted me, “I meant him.”