Best Jokes

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt.

“What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks.

"Here, boy,” he replies.

A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. “Are you trying to kick the habit?”

“No,” I replied. “I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.”

“You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.”

I heard about a new website: www.needleinahaystack.com.

Took me ages to find it!

A lettuce and a tomato were in a race.

Who won?

The lettuce went a head, but the tomato never could ketchup.