Best Jokes

My five-year-old nephew has always happily answered to BJ. That ended when he came home from his first day of school in a foul mood. It seems his teacher took roll call and he never heard his name.

"Why didn’t anyone tell me my name was William?!" he complained.

Before my son could start going on job interviews, he needed to dress the part. That, he decided, required a $500 suit.

"What!?" I answered, gagging at the price tag. "I’ve bought cars for $500!"

"That’s why I want the $500 suit," he said. "So I don’t have to drive $500 cars."

My sister decided to go on a diet, and that first evening she phoned me. I could tell her mouth was full, so I asked her what she was eating.

“A cupcake,” she mumbled. “I just got on the scale, and it read 149 1/2 pounds. I decided that was no place to start a diet, so I’m rounding it off to 150.”

My cousin always “borrows” money from her older brother’s piggy bank, which drives him crazy.

One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the freezer.

Inside was this note: “Dear sister, I hope you’ll understand, but my capital has been frozen.”