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Favorite this joke As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important, the football games on television or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family and even lingered for some pleasant after dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.
"See?" she said, continuing to smile. "You didn't miss a thing!"
There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts "Praise the Lord!"
The atheist yells back, "There is no God."
She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says "Praise the Lord."
The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there's the groceries she asked for, and of course, she shouts "Praise the Lord!"
The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, "Ha, I bought those groceries - there is no God."
The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts "Praise the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!"
I've started a new exercise program.
I do twenty sit-ups every morning.
That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that SNOOZE button just so many times...
Q. What did it mean when the vampire saw himself in the mirror?
A. It meant he died.
Q. So how did the vampire die?
A. He accidentally ordered “stake” and eggs at the silver bullet cafe.
Q. So where do vampires go when they die?
A. Actually they reincarnate and go to work for the government.
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