I love making clothes for my five-year-old granddaughter. And she, in turn, always seems happy to accept them. The other day, I asked if she would like me to make her a skirt.
"Yes," she said. "But this time, could you make it look like it came from a store?"
Two friends are chatting...
"I will give one million dollars to the person who will fulfill my wish."
"What is your wish?"
"That somebody would give me two million dollars."
I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones.
If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.
My flight is getting ready to be pushed back from the gate when I get tapped on the shoulder from a lady sitting behind me.
"We are so blessed today, we have a Latter Day Saint's Missionary on Board," she says, "and no plane has ever crashed with an LDS Missionary on board."
I turn to her and say," Ma'am, we're doubly blessed today because no flight has ever crashed with me on board either!"