Once upon a time there was a woman married to an annoying man. He complained about everything. One day he went to the creek with his mule and as he went, he complained so much that the mule got annoyed and kicked him to death.
At the funeral, as men walked by, the wife shook her head "yes". Every time women walked by, she shook her head "no".
The minister asked, ''Why are you shaking your head 'yes' for men and 'no' for women?''
Her response was, ''When the men walk by saying how sorry they feel for me, I respond saying, 'Yes, I'll be alright.' When the women walk by, they keep asking if the mule is for sale."
My dental hygienist retired, after 55 years of working...
All she got was a lousy plaque.
What has two arms but can't raise them?
A chair.
I am great at multitasking... I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at the same time.