I've started a new exercise program.
I do twenty sit-ups every morning.
That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that SNOOZE button just so many times...
Q. What did it mean when the vampire saw himself in the mirror?
A. It meant he died.
Q. So how did the vampire die?
A. He accidentally ordered “stake” and eggs at the silver bullet cafe.
Q. So where do vampires go when they die?
A. Actually they reincarnate and go to work for the government.
About to have a blood test, I nervously waited while the nurse tightened a tourniquet around my arm. "I understand you’re from Oklahoma," she said. "Are you a Sooners fan?"
"Absolutely!" I replied.
"Well," she continued as she raised the needle, "this may hurt a little, as I’m from Nebraska."
I’m close friends with 25 letters of the alphabet...
I don’t know 'y'.