Best Jokes

When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father.

"How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?" I shrieked.

Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the basement to the outside. It worked—the squirrel ate his way out of the house. Unfortunately, he passed another squirrel eating his way in.

My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Karen said, “I love my new garage-door opener.”

“I love mine too,” my wife replied, and honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage.

As I picked out flowers for my mother, I noticed a man next to me juggling three boxes of candy and a large bouquet.

"What did you do wrong?" I said with a laugh.

He mumbled back, "I got married."

A ghost walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, “What would you like to drink?"

The ghost says, “I’m just here for the boos.”