Best Jokes

$10.00 won 5 votes

"Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you drink?"

"No."

"Do you eat hay, then?"

"No."

"Man, you're not a fit companion for man or beast."

5 votes

CATEGORY Misc Jokes
posted by "Arthur Art Will Williams" |
$5.00 won 5 votes

The seven-year old told her mom that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor.

"Oh,dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"

"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."

5 votes

CATEGORY Kid Jokes
posted by "HENNE" |
$7.00 won 5 votes

One day a man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of water. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the man by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, "Why did you do that?"

The man said very apologetically, "I am so very sorry sir. Please forgive me. I can't help it. It's an illness I can't get rid of. I am so ashamed of it. How can I make it up to you?"

The bartender answered, "Haven't you seen anyone about this problem?"

The man replied, "I never thought of that. Maybe I will."

The bartender said, "Don't come back until you do get help," and the man left. About three months later the man came back to the same bar. He ordered another glass of water, drank half of it, and poured the rest on the bartender.

The bartender shouted, "I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!"

The man replied, "I did, and it worked out great! Now I don't feel ashamed at all!"

5 votes

posted by "HENNE" |
5 votes

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. The parishioner heard Father Murphy mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Father Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!"

By this time, the parishioner couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked the priest, "Why do you say Hoover?"

"It's the biggest dam I know," he replied.

5 votes

posted by "merk" |