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Favorite this joke Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.
I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.
"You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there.
His request approved, the news photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let’s go!"
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I’m a photographer for cable news," he responded, "and I need to get some close up shots."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is… you’re NOT my flight instructor?"
Seeing a homeless guy begging on the street, a woman took pity on him and gave him a handful of change.
“Thank you,” said the homeless man. “Your generosity is much appreciated. You know my life used to be great, but just look at the state of me now.”
“How do you mean?” asked the woman.
“Well,” he explained. “I was a multi-millionaire. I had bank accounts all over the world with hundreds of thousands of dollars deposited in each.”
“So where did it all go wrong?” she asked.
The homeless man sighed, “I forgot my mother’s maiden name.”
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again.
"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
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